You didn't like the chokey, did you?

Thought you'd pay me back, didn't you?

A couple months ago, quite out of the rainy blue, I received an e-mail from Danny DeVito inviting me to a Matilda event he was hosting in his home state of New Jersey. When a DeVito invites you across the country, you…go? Obviously? Luckily, I got to bring my husband and my tiny friends (my kids), too. A car fetched us in the dark and ferried us to the other end of the world (LAX), and 247 episodes of Bluey later, we were eating pizza on the Upper West Side and jumping up and down on borrowed beds.

first ever subway ride! Rowan calls these his “AMC Theater pants” because we got them at H&M and when you’re 6, all acronyms are the same

Around 30 years ago, I booked the role of Hortensia in Matilda (starring, directed, produced, and narrated by wunderkind Danny DeVito). This was crazy, because Matilda was my favorite book which I had read approximately 15 times at that point. I auditioned for the role 7 times before getting it. I chopped my hair off to look like the Quentin Blake illustration in the book for my final audition, when “they” flew me out from Chicago to LA to audition one-on-one with Danny DeVito.

see, pretty close! just missing the crisps. and the boil on the nose, thank gawd.

I booked the role and spent the first few months of 6th grade in set school, running away from the Trunchbull, sweating in the Arcadia fall heat, eating multiple set donuts per day, hanging out in my trailer with my mom, cheering on Bruce Bogtrotter, discussing newts, and doing homework with my fellow classmates in between takes. It was a *DREAM.*

At one point, my mom, who was on set with me every day, asked our PA, “Are all sets like this? This…wonderful?”

“NO,” the PA responded emphatically. “This is because of Danny. He only hires the most wonderful, sweetest people. Believe me - this is NOT what it’s usually like.” Then she gave us some juicy gossip about some horrible people in Hollywood that I’m unfortunately not at liberty (read: too scared) to share here, even 30 years later.

My 5th grade boyfriend broke up with me so he could date my best friend while I was filming in LA (k, power move, king!), so when I returned to Chicago, it was almost as if nothing about my life had changed. I went back to school, acted a bit more, but finally quit acting around high school until I moved to LA 15 years ago to re-pursue acting and writing full-time.

CUT TO:

One thousand years later, while putting away my son’s tiny shirts in his drawer, phone obviously in hand, I receive a joyous email from Danny. A Matilda reunion! On STAGE! With the composer Danny Newman conducting the New Jersey symphony, doing the score LIVE while Danny narrated the film live!

We arrived to a sold-out theater, over 1800 people gathered with their loved ones, families, kids, and grandparents. I can’t even quite express here how special it was, to see how much this movie meant to people, to KIDS, all these years later. Roald Dahl had the most beloved gift to make kids feel seen, and this film brought that specific generosity to life in such an ineffably delightful way. 1800 people screamed when Danny came onstage, and hollered with joy as he brought Rhea, Kiami, Jaki, Mara, and me on stage.

Every scene remains truly perfect. Offbeat and dark and funny and smart, never cloying, never winking, never condescending to its audience. A kids movie rarity of the highest order!!!! My kids screamed “MOMMY!!!!!!” everytime I came on-screen, to the apparent thrill of everyone seated around me (a lot of heart-clutching and grinning at us during the intermission). Zoe nudged me during my favorite part, yelling “MOMMY, THIS IS YOUR FAVORITE JOKE!” It remains perfect, see?

Tiffany Hadish even came to the screening. Here she is in the VIP room afterward, hilariously insisting on a promised Q&A (they were going to skip right to the photo line. Not on Haddish’s watch!!!)

Rowan ran backstage at intermission and before I got there he had taken 900 selfies and 75 photos of Mara’s left leg, but this is a pretty cute one where he actually got a face in the frame!

Dragging my kids around New York for a couple days was pretty spectacular. We took them to The Lion King, their first ever (and mine!?) Broadway show and they were ENRAPT the entire time. It was pouring and I dragged them with soaking wet sneakers and socks through the LES’s flooded streets so we could make it to our afternoon tour of the Tenement Museum because I am a #cool #museummom!!!!!!!!! We played the FAO Schwartz piano like Tom Hanks did in Big, a movie they made me turn off a couple months ago because it had “too much talking.” We made a tiny 5-year old friend in the Central Park playground who, when I asked where he was from, answered “Yeah, far away, another city. It’s called Queens. But I come here on Mondays.”

“It’s Friday, though,” I informed him.

“Oh, yeah. Fridays, then.” (See? Kids have no idea what’s going on.)

My cute husband and the 15 pounds of lox we ordered at Russ & Daughters.

A girl who really gets how to New York.

The reason for the season!!!

When we were in line at the airport heading back to LA, going over our favorite parts of the weekend, Rowan looked up at me with his half a front-tooth and 7 nose freckles and asked, “Who brought us to New York again? Elvis?”